I AM

Sometimes I feel so bipolar. I wonder if other missionaries do. You try to be upbeat, smile for the people around you, and live life to the fullest while you are at home. Yet, you never lose the aching in your heart, the sharp pains that come every once and again. The longing to be with the people you fell in love with, impacting their lives by God's grace and wisdom. Your heart has been doubled. Half of its here at home, and the other, furiously beating half, is back in, well in my case, Honduras. It seems to go from a trusting God all the way to a "What is going on Lord? I know You have me in Your hands, but I'm worried." WELL, there's my mistake. Three letters, b-u-t. BUT Lord, I think I know better than You. BUT Lord, I think this time is better than Yours. BUT Lord, I think I'd better try to do it on my own than depend solely on You. I can just imagine Him replying, "BUT WHAT DELANEY? WHO formed your body out of trillions of tiny cells that all contain your DNA? WHO created the entire world and the millions of people in it? WHO brought you to Honduras and eased your anxiety about leaving home? WHO designed you for your specific unique life? WHO knows you better than you even know YOURSELF?? WHO DELANEY, WHO IS THIS? .... I AM .... Not I WAS A GREAT GOD IN THE PAST TOO LATE NOW, NOT I WILL BE A GREAT GOD LATER WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, I AM. I WAS, I WILL BE, BUT I AM RIGHT NOW!! I FORMED THE EARTH, I KEEP THE HEAVENS, THE PLANETS, EVEN THE TINY MOLECULES IN YOUR BODY, ALL RUNNING THE RIGHT WAY THEY SHOULD FOR THEM TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE. I SET THE WHOLE WORLD IN A CERTAIN BALANCE THAT IF ALTERED WOULD COLLAPSE ALTOGETHER. I AM" Can we just step back and listen to Him whisper that? Genesis 28:13-15 New International Version (NIV) 13 There above it[a] stood the Lord, and he said: “I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. 14 Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring.[b] 15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. ”