He's not finished with me yet

I'm impatient. I would have been in Honduras a year ago if I could've. I searched and searched for a way back to Honduras, and I started feeling defeated. I thought, 'I'm doing all the right things, I'm reading my Bible, I'm praying, I'm waiting, (though very badly), what is wrong God?' I feel ashamed to think back on my thinking (ha!) during that time period. I wasn't asking God what HE really wanted, I was asking Him for what I wanted. I wanted Him to do His will through me in MY time, which really wouldn't be His will after all. I didn't want to wait, I didn't want to be still, I just wanted to GO. Do you ever feel like I do? Impatient, tired of waiting, asking God why? Why would He make us wait for good things, even for good things that He wanted to do through us? God knew that I wasn't READY yet. Sure, I had passion, fire, love. But my heart was unruly as a young colt. Deuteronomy 8:2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. The Israelites had to wait in the desert before they could see the promised land, and God used that time to test and see into their hearts. I truly believe that that is what God has been doing in me. He has been testing me, refining my heart, mind, and soul to better match His purpose for me. He has been humbling me, teaching me that anything good that I do will be because HE did it through me. That my position as a missionary should not be to gain honor or credit for myself, but simply to be the hands and feet of Jesus, giving all the glory, honor and credit right up to Him. It's been hard. But, it has been so worth it! Even now that I have a tentative leaving date for Honduras, I am still being prepared for what God has in store for me. Why is Nate Saint remembered as a missionary? It certainly isn't because He was prideful and showed off. I doubt that he went in with the mindset of getting glory for himself. He was killed for the sake of Christ. He went to a people who had deep darkness in their hearts. The Waodoni didn't know the truth, and they were slaves to this darkness. Nate Saint and his team didn't know what would happen when they went to make contact with the Waodoni, but they knew that these people would live in eternal darkness if someone didn't tell them the truth. Nate was willing to risk his life for the sake of the gospel. Because his life was not about him. And you know what? His work was not in vain. Because of his life and death, and the work of his son later on, the Waodoni came to know Jesus. A isolated, murdering, lost, people came to know Christ as their personal Savior. And they will join us in Heaven one day. How cool is that??!! Here is a quote by Nate Saint: "And people who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives... and when the bubble has burst they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted." How am I expending my life? How are you? Are we like unbelievers, unconsciously (or perhaps even consciously for some of us Christians) wasting our lives, not living out the true purpose God has for us? God has something extraordinary to do with our lives. We need to be open to asking God what HE want us to do, and WAITING for His right time, LETTING Him mold us, even when it hurts. I pray that we all will let God work His unique purpose for each one us, through us. Dear God, please give your children today open ears to hear what You want to tell each one us. Help us to wait for Your timing, and to do right now what we can, and later, what we cannot now. Help our lives to not be about us or our comfort, but about Your will and purposes for us. There are probably millions of people who do not know you, but You know each one of them by name, and You desire so greatly for a relationship with them. Help us to humbly be Your hands and feet in this world, never being ashamed of You or the Gospel of truth. Because in the end, all that matters is You. You set us free indeed! We love You, and I thank You for all that You have provided for me and my family. Please prepare me for Your will for me in Honduras. Amen! May God bless you all, today and always. Dee